The kind of story I won't get to tell after I leave school

Often, if I don't enjoy the course you're teaching, I'll project some of that distaste onto you, the professor, and my memories of you will not be fond.

It's just that simple.

My statistics professor is throwing this out of whack, though, because she is so sincerely nice.

I have no idea what I'm doing in this class. Absolutely no clue. It's a best-guess scenario every time I open my book. Yet, I find my professor to be endearing. I think I amused by the way our classes go: we'll be using a football team's weight and height statistics for a problem, and as she works through the problem she'll begin to talk about how beat up her brother was when he played high school football. And then you realize you've got "Football players--lots of bruising" written in your notes.

This should bother me, but it doesn't. What I like must be that she is logical and friendly: sort of like an aunt or your mom's cousin, and she always remembers to get you a birthday gift, but it's something like wool socks or a set of encyclopedias. And when you open them you vaguely know that in the middle of winter or while writing a research paper you'll be really, really thankful for her practicality, but you're not sure there could be a less exciting birthday gift. And I think it's the thought that counts, even if right now the thought is that I should be learning math.

Things to counter being terrified of graduation, part 2

Writing papers that make me feel like this:



Religion and Italian come to mind, but the computer program I have to use for Statistics is well on its way to the list.

(thanks, Christina)

Photographic Proof

Remember when I said I used to get dressed up and sing Paula Abdul? This is what I wore. We even have another one where I'm holding the microphone.

I uploaded a few more old photos to my Flickr account, and you can get to them here.

I also started a photo set of things I see that make me wonder about how other people think, and you can see those here. I went to this crazy craft store called Pat Catan's last night, and if you ever wondered, "is there a place that sells stuff NO ONE needs?" then I have your answer.

LOL

Remember my depressing technology class? Today, we spent an hour and fifteen minutes talking about instant messaging, and whether or not knowing what imho and brb mean is important if you're a "good" instant messager (messanger?).

I didn't talk much (I've got a cold and sound like a seasoned smoker), but if I had I probably would have mentioned that while I do understand the standard internet acronyms*, I really only use one or two of them. In fact, one of my BIGGEST pet peeves (behind personalized license plates and the misspelling of y'all) is when people spell things like "you" as "u" and "before" as "b4." It will not kill you to type a few extra letters! Do not slaughter your language like that! Acronyms, for some reason, do not bother me so much. Perhaps because they have less to do with spelling. I'm big on the spelling. Get it?

I also would have told some anecdote featuring the use of AIM, like that time my freshman year when Christina tried to convince me that the guy I liked had the screenname WisteriaCrayon025. Riiight. Like any self-respecting 21-year-old, heterosexual male is going to have the word wisteria in his screenname. Or the word crayon, for that matter.

But mostly, I would have liked to tell the story of one of the first times I talked to my mom through instant messages, right after I'd left for college. It was a whole new experience for her, but the best part was when she wrote something funny and I replied with "LOL." A lot of confusion ensued, because in the 70's? LOL meant Lots Of Love.

Not that I didn't mean to imply lots of love, because I totally did. In between all the laughing. Out loud.

*This list is totally crazy and if you ever use an acronym that is nearly as long as what it stands for, I will not be your friend. Riddle me this: Why would I type YWHOL (Yelling Woo Hoo Out Loud) instead of just typing, "WOOHOO!!!"? Why? It makes no sense.

Wondering

why Fox News feels it is necessary to cover Anna Nicole Smith's death so thoroughly. Isn't there, like, a war going on or something?

Things to counter being terrified of graduation, part 1

1. I will no longer be responsible for ridiculous homework assignments; specifically, Italian and/or Statistics. Also, whoever decided to integrate discussion boards into course websites needs to be dragged out into the street and pulled apart by wild horses, because there are few things I detest more than posting responses to readings after the first two people said essentially what the rest of the class will regurgitate.

So yeah. The homework.

2. I will no longer have to sit behind people in my morning classes who smell like the party they attended the night before. (For the love of God, shower before class. It will help you with that hangover and I won't be nauseated by the smell of beer and cigarrettes you bring with you. It's a win-win situation.) Green Beer Day is the ONLY TIME the scent of beer is acceptable to me before 11am, and even then I'm not sure I'm a fan.

Must See TV (Embarrassing Confessions Edition)

Everyone who knows me also knows that I have an obsession with The Office, and that on Thursday nights from 8:30 to 9 it is absolutely unacceptable to even breathe loudly in the same room as our tv. And it's true I've occasionally gotten this way about Weeds and Lost. And I'm okay with admitting the fact that I am obsessed--nay, addicted to these shows.

But there is one that I hate to admit to watching, one that I would rather not claim on my list of favorite shows.

And that show is Grey's Anatomy.

I know! I know, I know. I watched the first season faithfully each Sunday night after Desperate Housewives. My roommate and I were always there, every week. And then the second season I was totally over Teri Hatcher et al and gave up my Sunday night television. And that was okay, because in the mean time I was introduced to the world of DVD series. And my life, it was complete; I was watching Six Feet Under and Dead Like Me and Arrested Development and Full House. Life was good.

But then I accidentally watched The Office, and the important thing to know about The Office is that IT IS STILL ON AIR. I've never loved a series that wasn't already on the shelves of Best Buy in its entirety. And do you know what comes on after The Office? What show my friends like to watch? Yes. Grey's Anatomy.

And then I was sucked right back in. I hate myself for a lot of things--not flossing, an utter lack of coordination, being a bad cook--but my addiction to this whiny, pretentious show about doctors and lippy interns is definitely in the top three of all time hateable traits. And for some reason, I can't quite figure out how to get myself to turn the tv of at 9 instead of 10. I guess it could be worse: I Love New York is on Thursday nights.

More excited about cancelled classes than getting a box of chocolate, for sure

I managed to survive the snow and sleet that was supposed to end the world. The university actually gave in and cancelled all classes from 4pm yesterday until 10am today. When I read the cancellation announcement emails, I imagined that whoever made the decision did so reluctantly, with lots of sighing and pained expressions.There was no real indication that this was the case, but I have always felt like they get some sick sort of pride out of not having cancelled classes in something like 18 years, and probably have a "No Class Cancellations for __ Years!" sign hanging in some secret corner of the administration building that they hate to have to start back at 0. Or maybe they have a hard time keeping track of the dry erase marker.

In other news, I find Valentine's Day to be an unremarkable holiday. Whenever I have a boyfriend, sure, it's fun to get flowers and those chalky hearts*, but all in all I'm just not impressed by it, whether I'm in a relationship or not. We're having an anti-Valentine celebration tonight, but I mostly just see it as an excuse to go have $1.99 margaritas for the fourth Wednesday in a row. (There was no excuse whatsoever for the first three, unless you count peer pressure, in which case there has been an excuse for EVERYTHING I've ever done.)


*Once I got a stuffed gorrilla. Yeah, I don't get it either, and I probably should have seen that as a sign of things to come. Ah, hindsight.

Update (8:58 pm): And NO, I don't feel completely pathetic sitting at home watching Coupling, and drinking wine. By myself.

Wintry Mix

1. This morning I woke up and when to class, and when I got to work I had an email with the subject line, "URGENT...PLEASE SEE ME ASAP RE: GRAD REQUIREMENTS" and I was all, if I had made a list of the worst email subjects, this one would take the cake.

2. When I finally talked to my advisor about this, she explained that there were two problems with my transcript; one I had taken care of several hours earlier and one I had taken care of...oh, I don't know...in October...with HER...at the desk of the person who was supposed to take care of it...so I'm not sure who's to blame here, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it isn't me. So everything is okay, except that when she said "we're just taking care of you!" I was thinking, "if that were the case, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?"

3. Apparently as I sit here at my computer, the entire Cincinnati area is being covered in foot upon foot of ice and snow, rendering the entire planet incapable of sustaining itself. Surely I jest, you think, but no. I do not. If you had talked to the people I talked to today, you would have been to the store and bought enough staples to last you until May, because that is when we will finally be able to burrow out from beneath the storm that is going to cause us all to perish. Already tonight one of my classes tomorrow was cancelled and it hadn't even snowed one little flake yet. One of my other professors is thinking of having class in an AIM chatroom on Wednesday, which should probably be about the best thing ever--IF WE CAN SURVIVE THAT LONG!

A few of the best subject lines of emails from people I actually know

Re: Sorry! I am a complete moron.

savin my ass

Ankle Length Skirts

Re: wtf

Pond Hockey

4'33'' [it was a blank email, natch]

XXX [adult movie genre removed because this website is at most PG-13] XXX blah blah

Reminder: Class Cancelled Tuesday

Because I can never find ANYTHING.

If I ever own a grocery store (or even if this opportunity just presents itself), I am going to completely redesign the way groceries are organized. First, I will list those un-categorizable things on the signs above the aisles so you know exactly where to find them. Looking for marachino cherries? Stove Top stuffing? Just read the sign. Personally, I think anything you put on ice cream should be kept on that little end shelf near the freezers. Besides, that's good marketing anyway. Likewise, Stove Top and Shake and Bake should be kept in the same aisle, because they are both made out of crumbs.

I realize that each store has its own plan--for example, the Kroger here puts marshmallows in the candy aisle, while at home they're in the baking aisle (please don't ask how I know this; I just do)--but if I got to be the boss, we'd have nationwide standards. We can streamline this grocery shopping business, people! Think of the profits!

And think of me, not wandering aimlessly through the aisles, frustrated because I can't figure out where the Fla-Vor-Ices are.

Commercial Conversation

"Okay. The Final Jeopardy category is Scientists. What do you think the answer is going to be?"

"I don't know, let's wait for the question."

"Oh come on, it's so predictible. Scientists. On the teenager version. There are a couple of obvious answers. I bet it's the peanut guy. George Washington Carver."

"Alright. Sir Isaac Newton."

"Newton? Seriously? I think it could also be Marie Curie. That's another really obvious one."

"Yeah."

"So I'd bet $10,000. Definitely. Psh, scientists."

I cannot get over what happened next:



(By the way, you can see all the questions ever asked on Jeopardy! here.)

Everything I like devolved into everything I don't

I'm taking a class this semester called Humanities and Technology, which really is just a fancy way of saying, "Let's apply centuries of theory to today's media; specifically, the Internet, and more specifically, YouTube." Mostly, I find this idea fascinating, and I was really looking forward to this course at the beginning of the semester. However, let me summarize for you the topics we've discussed in the first five weeks of class:

Week 1: The internet! OMG IT IS SWEET!!! But it's going to change, and all that great community and free stuff? It won't be around in five years because no one cares about things that don't make money. It's going to go commercial. That sucks, doesn't it?

Week 2: WOW, you can find SO MUCH information and news on the internet! But when people are able to filter out what they want to read from all the other stuff they might see if they were watching a news broadcast or reading an actual newspaper, they are really shuttting themselves off from the rest of society, especially people who are extremely liberal or conservative. And what prevents tragedies like famine and depression is people being aware of what's going on around them. So if people only read what they think they want to read, our country is going to fall apart. That sucks, doesn't it?

Week 3: All the stories you've ever heard, and all the things that have ever happened to you, can all fit into a basic story-telling formula. Basically, nothing is really unique. That sucks, doesn't it?

Week 4: Every choice you make effects lots of other choices you make, but you can't go back and change anything you do. That sucks, doesn't it?

Week 5: I know we've been talking about a lot of boring crap lately, so let's venture back to the internet and watch some YouTube videos. IT IS SO FREAKING COOL!!! Too bad copyright, net neutrality, and capitalism are going to kill it. That sucks, doesn't it?

I really want to be excited about where technology is going to take us, and at first I thought this class was going to give me an outlet to do that. But every Tuesday and Thursday I leave campus feeling disappointed about the present or depressed about the future. And you know what? THAT SUCKS. YES. YES IT DOES.

Embarrassing AND revealing at the same time

For Christmas, I got the book No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog. Most of the ideas including self-deprecation I'd already tackled, but this one I just couldn't pass up: creating your own timeline. After giving it some thought, it seems like the most common theme throughout my life has been music, so here you go: songs from my past that either remind me of being a specific age or signify a change in the direction of my musical taste.

Age 4: "Straight Up" - Paula Abdul. I put on my big frilly dress-up dress, my mom does my make-up, and I perform this song for my family. In our living room. With a microphone hooked up to our stereo.

Age 9: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I secretly watch MTV, and am scared shitless by the video for this song. I hold this against Tom Petty until I am 21 and realize that while I'm not yet over the creepiness of his dressing up a dead chick, I do sort of enjoy his music.

Age 11: "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog" - Three Dog Night. I am obsessed with the Forrest Gump soundtrack.

Age 12: "Ironic" - Alanis Morrisette. I listen to the entire album all the time, and sing it during sixth grade science class with one of my classmates. I get in trouble with my dad for this music and can't understand why, as it will be several more years until I realize what exactly it is Alanis is doing in the theater. I also listen to the 1996 Grammy Nominees cd constantly, and become strangely enamored with Coolio's "Gangster's Paradise." Clearly, I do not "get it." Luckily, I am only 12.

Age 13: "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion. I spend a day home sick from school listening to the radio and recording this song each time it plays until I have an entire cassette filled with bad movie-clip-filled versions. I'm also a big fan of "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by Green Day, and I secretly purchase Britney Spears' first album. Shhh.

Age 14: "Sheep Go To Heaven" - Cake. My friend goes to summer camp and comes home singing this song. We don't get it and tease her mercilessly, but in the future I will come to love Cake and think of her whenever I listen to this song.

Age 15: "Goodbye Earl" - The Dixie Chicks. I pride myself on enjoying different genres of music. I also begin to listen to the Guns 'n Roses album Appetite for Destruction over and over again, and feel like a bad ass because of it. This love for 80's rock will proliferate in a year or two.

Age 16: "Hey Jude" - The Beatles. I drive my 1987 Ford Ranger to my first boyfriend's house listening to The Beatles: One every weekend this winter. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" still reminds me of that drive.

Age 17: "Still Loving You" - The Scorpions. The boys I hang out with encourage me to listen to more Motley Crue, Styx, and Lynrd Skynrd. I comply. We also listen to a lot of Billy Joel. I don't get it either, but who doesn't like "Only the Good Die Young"?

Age 18: "Come on Eileen" - Dexy's Midnight Runners. It's a long, long story, but suffice it to say, I have yet to shake that music taste from the year before. I also continue to allow people (read: my boyfriend and his friends) to tell me what to listen to. See also: "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner, which will forever remind me of high school.

Age 19: The entire Abbey Road album. I am in love, and have returned to that happier musical place I should have stayed when I was 16. I am also listening to Ben Folds and Pixies, as I have now become a college student.

Age 20: "There's No Home for You Here" - The White Stripes. I begin to realize that I really, really love rock music. I spend a summer being indoctrinated on the amazingness that is Jack White.

Age 21: "Room on Fire" - The Strokes. I listen to this album so often that my boyfriend has to ask me to please play something else. I say okay, but it has to be The White Stripes.

Age 22: "Intimate Secretary" - The Raconteurs. I spend an entire summer listening to this album, and see them in concert. It is the best concert I have ever seen, and I start to drool over the Ticketmaster website on a weekly basis. In addition, I have apparently found a new taste in music, as I now have no desire to listen to most of the songs I associate with high school listed on this page. I also spend inordinate amounts of time on the internet trying to find new bands. Consequently, no one ever knows who I'm talking about.

Self-inflicted shivers no more

I hate being too warm when I'm trying to sleep. I'm a finicky sleeper already, so having to throw off the blankets because I'm drenched in sweat doesn't really help me get a great night of rest. Because of this, I am always reluctant to heat my bedroom too well. This has been the best year ever for climate control, because each bedroom has its own thermostat. I've found that even on the lowest setting, I get too warm, so I've taken to only turning on the heat when I'm a) home and b) awake. This means I run the heat from about 4 in the afternoon til about 12 or 1, when I get into bed. And really, it's been working out really well for me. At least, it was until this weekend.

I think, generally, the heat in my room slowly disappears over the course of the night. It's cool when I wake up at 8am, but this weekend? When I woke up at 11? It had become frigid. I didn't want to get out of bed so much that I called Christina and asked her to come in and turn on the heat before I got out of bed. It really was that cold.

So last night I decided I was going to have a hard enough time getting up this morning without the fear of turning into an ice cube when I got out of bed. So, I gave in, and left the heat on. And I woke up all sweaty. But I am SO not complaining, because it was worth it not to wake up next to a frozen glass of water or with frostbitten ears. Why do I think this could have happened? Because when I checked the weather before heading out, this was the temperature:




I am fairly certain that if I hadn't turned on the heat, I would still be in my bed, waiting for one of my roommates to come find me and save me from hypothermia. So: the heat stays on until friendlier temperatures return. I have learned my lesson.

Movies I watched this weekend

1. The Lake House
2. The Devil Wears Prada
3. The Sweetest Thing
4. Legally Blonde
5. Music of the Heart
6. The Good Girl

Are you embarrassed for me? Because I am.

I shouldn't keep my iTunes in alphabetical order by artist

"You have 41 days of music, Loren."

"I know."

"And it all starts out with 'N Sync."*



*In my defense (although, is there really any defense for 'N Sync?), it's from a Christmas mix, and not an actual album. Because I would never do that. I promise.