How I know exams cause me excess amounts of grief

Because I go through these stages:

1. Denial - "This question can't really be on this exam."
2. Anger - "What the Hell?! Why would this stupid professor think this is a well-constructed question? What an idiot."
3. Bargaining - "Maybe if I just write something, I will get credit."
4. Depression - "I am going to fail. This sucks. I am not going to graduate. My life is over."
5. Acceptance - ...

...I'm not there yet.

Dropping hints like nobody's business

Two months til my birthday! Can you guess what I want?

I bet you wish this was my LAST story about college

I'm about to head to my final Women's Studies class, and it got me thinking about how tomorrow morning, the last class meeting I'll ever attend will be Electronic Music. For some reason, I wish this was something a little more symbolic: an English class, maybe; something that summed up my last four years a little better than a class I will only remember because we talked about clubbing and dropping acid. In lecture. With notes. (Well, okay, I guess technically you didn't have to take notes, but I did and they said, "OMG. He really just said that the experience of listening to electronic dance music can be enhanced by taking drugs.")

Looking back, though, I realize that few of the academic firsts and lasts over my past four years have been much more important, although my first lecture was Introductory Chemistry, and it doubled as Introductory Failing to be the Very Best at Everything, so I guess that's something. But I'm still pretty confident that in four years, Electronic Music won't have become symbolic and doubled as Introductory Drug Use.

While watching Bobby

Emilio Estevez looks really good as a skeezy middle-aged man from the 60's. Not good in a healthy, attractive way, but in a "he can really pull it off" way.

When does La Lohan show up? Why is she in this movie? Who thought that was a good idea?

Aww, Freddy Rodriguez is so cute. I sort of love him, and not just because he was in Six Feet Under.

Speaking of Six Feet Under, wasn't that other kitchen guy in an episode? Wasn't he in a gang? Yes he was. I am so awesome.
Helen Hunt, you look old. Sharon Stone, Demi Moore, ditto to you.

That Czech reporter does NOT sound like she has a Czech accent.

WAIT. Those people got shot too? Did that really happen, or is this just the movie? Seriously? Now I have to check Wikipedia to find out.

Um, you want me to believe that a. the woman and man who were SHOT IN THE HEAD and b. the guy who was SHOT IN THE GUT all survived? I have issues with this.

Lohan! You're alright. Just don't tell anyone I said that.

I forgot, I don't really like knowing what's going to happen at the end of a movie.

She doesn't really like it, but it looks cute on her collar

While I was home for the weekend, I pulled out my crochet book and I made this:

Which I gave to the dog. It's my first-ever completed non-scarf project. Be impressed.

A few anecdotes about the end, which is near.

1. Over the last few weeks I have been plagued by the sight of my Google homepage's countdown clock, because every time I used the internet I was confronted with my looming graduation. It had a subconscious effect on me, I think, because there has been a sort of rushed feeling to everything I've been doing lately. I haven't had the heart to just get rid of it, because I'm not sure if it's getting me motivated or if it's just adding stress. At any rate, 12 days left. My last final is in 9.

2. Every time I go home, I bring home whatever I've decided I don't need to have at school and try to cram it into my tiny little bedroom. I finally came to the realization yesterday that I have to face the laws of physics and admit that I cannot fit all of my stuff into ten square feet of space and a closet. It's just not possible. I'm going to attempt to fit my 6x7' bed in there when I move back in two weeks. I'll let you know if physics takes the win on that one, too.

3. I was so disappointed when I bought my cap and gown, because the College of Arts and Science tassel is plain black. Plus, I think the interaction with the woman who sold it to me set me up for a letdown:
Her: What color tassel do you need?
Me: I don't know. I am an English major.
Her: Okay. [Reaches for pretty blue tassel]
Me: [Notices the blue is for Education majors] Oh, no, just like, regular English, not English ed.
Her: Oh. Okay, here. [Hands me boring black tassel]
Me: Thanks.

Another thing I'm ready to be done with

Lately I am tempted to write more and more "Things to counter being terrified of leaving college" lists, but I often hold off in fear of having those of you who are already in the real world scoff at me through the computer screen. "'Group projects'?" you'll say. "She's ready to be done with GROUP WORK? Does she not realize that everything she's about to do IS, IN FACT, GROUP PROJECTS?"

But seriously, guys, I am tired of group projects. Last semester's hellish website project really burned me out, even though this semester I had the opportunity to work with the best project group in the history of all college and university instructor-chosen groups. We've had to do three peer evaluations, and each time I genuinely have nothing bad to say about anyone. It has been fantastic. But it's overkill, all these group projects, whether they are pleasant or not. There's that girl who doesn't say "I think this is a bad idea." Instead, she says, "guys, don't you think maybe we should do X instead?" in a condescending way. Then there's the guy who doesn't show up to out-of-class, and the guy who shows up 20 minutes late (after a reminder phone call from one of the group).

Not surprisingly, I do best in (read: bitch least about) groups when I know my place. I was always the group project leader in high school, but more and more in college I've learned that I also enjoy being the person who does what she's told. You need me at the library at 8? Great. You want me to write the introduction of our paper? Done. However, what has happened several times this year is that I am relegated to being the leader, and then I am second-guessed. Don't tell me to organize the project and then say you don't like the way I've done it. If you don't like it, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT YOURSELF. I would have been more than happy to let you.

So is it possible that all of this group work has been good for me because I've learned this about myself? It's possible. But I certainly won't miss trying to set up a time to meet that doesn't interfere with broomball games and sorority meetings.

Stuck in my head

I linked Mika's website on del.icio.us, but I've been listening to this album all day and I'm totally in love and you need to know about it. Here are two songs from the album Life in Cartoon Motion. Grace Kelly just about made me get out of my chair at the library and break into a happy dance. And I NEVER dance.

Grace Kelly.mp3
Love Today.mp3
(both files via BSotM)

Ambition

I got a new crochet how-to book for Easter, and though I left it at home (I have waaaaay too much work to finish in the next three weeks to even think about doing something potentially addictive) I have constantly been daydreaming about the things I am going to make once I am no longer in a committed relationship with homework and group projects.

I have the book I bought over Spring Break, and it is called I Can't Believe I'm Crocheting! Two years ago, I received I Can't Believe I'm Knitting! for Christmas. I do not suggest learning either of these skills through the aid of this series, because in reality, they should be subtitled: I Can't Believe I'm Knitting Because This Book Has Done Nothing But Confuse Me! It was one of those situations, though, where I had forgotten about the bad diagrams and vague instructions, and thought to myself, "I learned how to knit! I'll stay in the series!" only to get home and realize that there's a reason I've only ever made scarves.

So, with the thought of the new book waiting for me at home, I have been promising project after project to my family and friends. Yes, it is cold in here. You know what would help? Yes, yes, turning on the heat would help but also I could crochet you a hat. No, not right now, this summer. Well, I know, but it could help you the next time you're cold. So, what's your favorite color?

In addition to these promises, I've also been exploring Flickr and looking at the ambitious projects others are doing. And people? These projects are amazing. I'd like to think that I have the staying power to do something like this afghan. Or maybe this one. But we'll see if I can make it through just one more scarf before trying for something that would actually be useful.

#248 on the list of things I'll miss about Miami

I usually listen to my iPod on the bus every morning, but every once in a while I'll leave it at home or forget to charge it. When this happens, I always notice which radio station the bus driver has chosen to play.

There are three stations that I would say are the regulars: country, pop, and my favorite: conservative talk radio. I think it's funny that not only is Glenn Beck my bus driver's choice of entertainment for the day, but it's also what he or she has decided to share with the student body. As an added bonus, I am always entertained by wondering how the extremely liberal bus riders are faring when Rush Limbaugh is screaming about the war in Iraq.

It's like they're fighting a little battle all their own, these bus drivers: A battle against us crazy liberal college kids. And that cracks me up.

Dear Economics Department,

Thank you for the $6.00 you gave me for participating in one of your psychology experiments. I'm assuming you paid for it, because it costs so much extra to take business classes here, and there's no way our Psych department could afford to pay everyone this much cash. Plus, everyone else was there for extra credit in their economics classes.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll be glad to know that I will be spending that six bucks on three $1.99 margaritas tonight. We really had a mutually benefiting interaction today, Econ Dept: I contributed to your research, and you contributed to our campus's excessive drinking. Everyone wins!

Thanks again,
Loren

Classmates

There is only one reason (other than the obvious situation of having overslept) that I will skip class: Someone in it annoys me. Often, this person is not the professor. It's usually another student, and this semester I am lucky enough to have two courses with real stand-outs. So you will understand why I have such a hard time making it to class on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Let me tell you about them:

First, we have My Intelligent Insight Into This Issue Will Entertain You So I Will Continue To Talk girl. No matter what the subject matter, she has an opinion, and usually she will throw in a pop culture reference to instigate a laugh. She also believes that louder=more entertaining.

Then there's Off-Topic Comment girl. Say you're talking about dressing female babies in pink and male babies in blue. Great. Well, this girl will talk about how she always thought babies dressed in yellow were cute. She's on the right page, but in the wrong paragraph. It happens every single time she is called on. I hate it when I see she has raised her hand.

Finally, to finish off my afternoon, we have my (least) favorite, to whom the first two cannot compare: Class Discussion Is An Opportunity For Me To Have An Exclusive Conversation With My Associate The Professor guy. Any comment he has, any question, is more important than anything anyone else has to say because he is just so much more engaged. He sits near the professor, and to be honest I think he sometimes forgets that he is NOT team-teaching this course with her, because he will often address the class with open-ended discussion questions or start to inform us about something we couldn't possibly know unless he told us. He has also, on occasion, called on people whose hands are raised. It doesn't get much more annoying than that.

Happy Easter

from this cute little pig in my Easter basket:

Probably my favorite bedroom ever

Yesterday after I finished cleaning out my bedroom, I took a bunch of photos so someday when I can't remember anything at least I'll have a reminder. My two favorites ended up being my bedside table and my cork boards, because I think they're the most interesting. If you click on this photo, you can go see it (and the rest) at Flickr and mouse over all the stuff to read about what it is. Pretty much, if you've ever wondered, "hmm, I wonder what kind of magnificence Loren lives in," then today is your lucky day.

I love you, for sentimental reasons

I only have one lecture on Fridays, and it's at 9am. Originally I thought this was going to be a problem, but it's turned out to be a pretty good situation: my Fridays are essentially free, and I'm actually awake to enjoy them. Or, if I need to go back to bed, I can! Because I'm free!

Today I was going to write a paper, but I got distracted and started cleaning out my room instead. Since I'll be moving home at the end of the year, I've been throwing stuff I don't use into my car every time I go home for the weekend. Today, I attacked my desk and my bookshelf, and not only did I pack things up to take home, I also threw a lot of stuff away.

I'm a packrat by nature, and I know it. It would feel so good to keep every single thing I've ever come in contact with. Usually it's not for practical reasons of "you never know, I might need this someday." It's more along the lines of, "what if I forget about the very first time I went to the health center and they gave me this sticker? This sticker is SYMBOLIC! I MUST KEEP THIS STICKER!"

I'm not exaggerating. Luckily, on days like today, I manage to go to the other extreme and just get rid of everything. Strangely enough, though, the things I had the hardest time getting rid of were...writing utensils:

I am fully aware that the only reason I have these is because of their sentimental value. So, taking a page from Fussy, I decided I'd just tell their stories and let them go.

That overall-clad rabbit is a pen--if you look closely you can see that the tip of its ears is just the cap. I got this for Easter one year, and my brother got one with blue overalls. I have always been quite proud of myself for not losing the cap of this pen, and I think that's why I kept it. Or, it's possible that just I anthropomorphized it--I have a hard time throwing anything with eyes into the garbage.

The gray pencil is from seventh grade Biology class. A boy named Jonah had somehow come into a pack of about ten Calvin Klein designer pencils, and they all had a different phrases on them starting with "if." He gave them to a few people, and although I can't remember why anymore, he gave one to me. It says, "if you like to share." A lot of people complain that jr. high was just terrible for them, but I have always thought that those were two of my favorite years of grade school. I probably haven't used this pencil since then, but whenever I see it I'm reminded of how much fun I had as I became a teenager.

The pencil-half is my drawing pencil from Art Survey my freshman year of high school. On the first day of class my teacher told us how important it was to use this specific pencil for our work, and how wonderful it was. Really, I don't remember what he said, but I vaguely remember knowing that I should keep it FOREVER, so I never throw it out because of that vague sense of its value. It got broken in the bottom of my bag about two weeks before the class ended, and I remember praying that we wouldn't have to do any more drawing so my teacher wouldn't see what I'd done.

And last but not least, the China Marker. When I was little, the cashiers at my favorite restaurant, Golden Corral (give me a break), used these to write down your order. These funny crayon/pencil hybrids were fascinating to me, especially because to sharpen them you got to pull a piece of string and peel away some of the outer wrapping. Also adding to the allure was the name China Marker, which to a small child is essentially saying, this is a marker, and it is Chinese. This must be what children on the other side of the world color with! Isn't it funny that they haven't got real markers? It made the whole thing very exotic. So at some point in high school, I came across china markers at Wal-Mart or something, and decided to buy one for nostalgia's sake. If someone had given me one of these as a kid, it probably would have been a semi-religious experience, but it's really not much good to me now, as I don't spend a lot of time coloring, nor do I mark china. But I might, you know? Maybe I do need to keep this.

It sounds muy malo to me

Professor: "We limit how much tv our children watch...but on one night of the week they can watch as much as they want, as long as it's in another language. Does that sound cruel?"

Guy sitting next to me: "That sounds like your mom has a PhD."

Wondering

if anyone else has ever noticed how fabulous high school lockers are on tv? They've got stickers and magnets and pages from magazines hung up, and maybe even a whiteboard or notepad or something. Further, I am also wondering if anyone's real-life locker actually looks like that. I'm curious about how much time tv writers really think students are given to stand at their lockers and actually put thought into what goes into them besides beat-up math books and smelly gym clothes.

The window's open

I love the sound of Mourning Doves and train whistles (preferably not at the same time). They remind me of being a child: the first because I remember being SO PERPLEXED as to why an owl would hoot during the day (it wasn't until high school that I learned the subtleties between a whoo and a coo), and the second because both houses I lived in growing up were within earshot of train tracks. I can remember trying to lie perfectly still so I could feel the train softly rattle my bed.

I don't know why I just thought of those things; I just felt compelled to share.