Now with more one-sentence posts

I guess the idea behind Twitter is that you can constantly tell people what you're up to. I like it because occasionally I have a thought that I think needs to be shared. At any rate, here's my Twitter page. You won't get to read anything lengthy, but on the bright side, if you were wondering what I think about on a more consistent basis than you find here, this is just what you were looking for.

Also, kids, get off my damn lawn.

I just signed on to my Facebook account for like the first time in about a month, and all I wanted to do was read a message that someone sent me. But first I had a bunch of people who wanted to be my friend, so I had to deal with that. And then I saw that someone invited me to use some sort of application that would tell people my mood? And what movies I like? And who my favorite friends were?

And I was still like, dude, facebook, just show me my message. How do I get to my messages?

It was sort of obnoxious, all the pictures and links to people and pages and ACCEPT or CONFIRM or REJECT and it was getting to be a little ridiculous. And the whole time I'm just thinking where are my messages!?!?

I finally found them (the Inbox link, obviously), but I was so overwhelmed by all the stuff on that invitations page that I closed the window as soon as I'd read the one little message I'd been looking for.

And then I thought, Internet Socialization: too overstimulating for a tired, crotchety 23-year-old.

But then I realized: Internet Socialization: too overstimulating for me, specifically.

The upside of having a degree? No grades.

My sister asked me to help her with a homework question tonight (last night we determined that my retention rate from my 11th grade Biology class is roughly 85%, and I don't think that's too bad for six years), and as I searched through her stack of papers looking for the answer I felt the familiar feeling of anxiety creeping up on me, because I couldn't quite find the right answer for the question.

And then I realized: I don't have to feel anxious about homework. Because I DON'T HAVE ANY.

Probably the best feeling of my entire life.

Two things that prove I think too much

1. Today I was listening to This American Life on the drive home from work, and it was about detectives. Ira had gone on a stakeout with a real life private eye and he was talking about how easy it is to follow someone in a car without their taking any notice. "If you're listening to this in your automobile," he said, "without looking in your rearview mirror, can you describe the car behind you? Do you know how long it's been following you?" And I thought to myself without hesitation, "It's that heinous-looking Chevy Blazer, and it pulled out of that neighborhood near my office, so about 15 minutes." Is that not normal?

2. I was asked yesterday to "tell me about yourself." I never know what to do in these situations. I have never found a definitive answer ("I am a basketball player." "I like to ride horses." "I am an artist, I paint landscapes." etc.) so I always just sort of have a bout of word vomit and start saying a whole lot of stupid things, and I start talking really fast, and laughing a lot, and just generally wish I had kept it simple and said the totally lame/only partially true "I like to read." And I do like to read, but think about the mental image you get of a person who describes him or herself by saying "I like to read." I don't think that's all there is to me, but I have a hard time conveying that, especially when I get nervous. And you're all waiting for me to say something interesting, and also I'm a little bit worried there's food in my teeth or my fly is down because you are all staring at me. But what? You were just waiting for me to actually answer the question? My bad. I like to read? And I like...music? And I would realize I was being followed if you were tailing me in a car?

Dear Accidental Enemy,

Look. I know I made you mad a couple of weeks ago, and I'm trying really hard to stay out of your way. I know it doesn't look like I am, because I am talkative and clumsy. That's why I always happen to be in your way, or I almost run into you: because I'm trying to talk and walk at the same time.

I also know there was that little miscommunication that resulted in you getting sort of...yelled at. This was in NO WAY my fault. Even though I had the papers you needed that would have prevented the miscommunication and subsequent scolding. That was sort of an accident. I wasn't even supposed to have them, I was just taking over for someone who wasn't there. Really. This is NOT a convoluted excuse, it's really the truth. I'm sorry.

I'm just going to try to stay out of your way. Let's just put all this behind us, shall we? I'm not asking you to be my friend; frankly, I'm not interested. I'd just really appreciate it if you would at least stop glaring at me in the hall. Please? It makes me feel really bad.

I'm not really all that bad, I promise.

Thanks and sorry I suck so much,
Loren

As if Garden State wasn't bad enough

"I watched the two worst movies today."

"Oh no. I have you beat, and I only watched one."

"Yeah, I do. The first one...I don't even know what it was called, but it had Zach Braff in it. The Last Kiss or something."

"Oh. You totally win. I only watched a movie with Hilary Duff."

"Well maybe you win. Hilary Duff?"

"No, I don't care what your other movie was: Zach Braff. Enough said."

Wordy

I love words, but the problem is that when it comes to learning new ones, I have a terrible memory. I used to get a-word-a-day emails, but there was no point, because I could barely retain what I'd read from the time it was on my computer screen until I stood up from the computer. I've learned to live with it, and have decided to just enjoy the moment when i come across something new.

If I'm really struck by something, I end up having to write it down. My desks at work and at home are covered with post-its, and roughly one-third of them contain words and sometimes phrases that I've really enjoyed. I listened to an interview with an Iraqi guy a few weeks ago, and while telling a story about goofing off in front of some soldiers, he said that his parents told him to stop laughing and "turn your face off!" What a fun expression, right? "Turn your face off." It reeks of translation, of course, but I wish it was something we said in English. Of course, it's only something I ever think of when I'm sitting at my desk, by myself, and I happen to see that I've written it down.

Today I was listening to the podcast (are you totally sick of the podcasts?) A Way With Words, and they talked to a few lexicographers, the people in charge of deciding which words get to be in the dictionary. They talked about the word diegogarcity, which is a newly coined word for when you hear or see something you've never heard or seen before and then suddenly you seem to see it everywhere. This happens to me all the time! I'm so glad I finally have a way to say it without stumbling all over myself trying to convey the experience.

I also really like the word schadenfreude, which means to derive pleasure from someone else's misfortune. You'd be surprised how often this pops up--I don't think I ever realized how often it makes people happy to see others fail, whether it's real life, a movie, a tv show, or even a book. And see? If it weren't for words, I'd have never realized exactly why it's fun to watch little kids hurt themselves.

The perks of a 40-hour work week

On Friday I was upgraded to a bigger desk at work. A desk with more than one drawer, and a huge shelf, and space for more post-its than I could ever hope for.* I love it.

The problem is, this space wants more than just notebooks and files and post-its. It wants personal stuff: photos and plants and tchotchkes and toys. Throughout the day, people kept wandering by telling me that my desk needed some life.

So what do you keep on your desk? Any recommendations? Right now all I have is a tiny toy mouse.


*I love post-its, and on my first day at this job when I saw how many post-its everyone was using, I knew I was going to fit right in.

It's the best hour of MY day, anyway

Ever since it was mentioned on This American Life, the RadioLab podcast has been popping up everywhere people talk about interesting things on the internet. I both shows on my iPod while I'm at work, and I always enjoy both of them so much that I often want to turn to the woman next to me and say something like, "I find it fascinating that people live this way, don't you?!" or "What's your take on the theory of relativity?"

So maybe it's all about feeling pseudo-intellectual. Gimme a break and download an episode or two. I promise it will be the best hour of your day.

D.C., disposable camera

I was at Circuit City last week, tagging along while one of my friends bought a video camera. I'm not really into video cameras, but they do keep the beautiful, beautiful digital SLR cameras right next to the video cameras, and I spent the entire time we were there drooling over what amazing photos I was taking of the battery display.

I think this made it even worse that we were well on our way to Washington, D.C. by the time I realized that I'd forgotten to pack my camera.

In an attempt to be less mad at myself, I bought a disposable camera and spent the day taking pictures with it. I don't think my pictures are anything special, but I got a kick out of having to wait more than half a second to see what I'd just captured.

That, and the fact that all of my pictures looked like they were from 1993.


reflecting pool
Originally uploaded by LorenAnn03.