Links: Things you need to see

Best Week Ever posts the BEST stuff on their blog. For example, if you wanted to trick someone into watching The Shining, you could tell them it's just called Shining and have them watch this.

Last weekend, we went to Barnes and Noble and one of my friends bought Britney's Baby Book, which is a fictionalization of what Britney would say about things like her first date with K-Fed, possible baby names, and her baby shower. It is the funniest. Thing. Ever. So if you don't run out and buy it (which is quite alright, unless you're going to give it to me, in which case would you like my shipping address?), go see what the girls at Go Fug Yourself think Britney and Kevin have to say about life in general. It's almost as funny as the book.

Also from BWE, 101 Things You Didn't Know About Rock 'n Roll. (This one is for Nate who sends me lots of great cd's. THANK YOU!)

McSweeney's posts reader-submitted lists every week. One of today's is, State Songs, If They All Suggested the Apathy of Idaho's "Here We Have Idaho."

Um...that's enough for now. I have homework to do, and it's Friday night.

Wondering

if the website I just found offering online technical communications degrees might not be such a bad idea.

Today, college kicked my butt. I don't think it could if it were online.

Three Authors Society Loves That I Just Can't Stand. AT ALL.

I don't have a favorite author. I have a favorite book, and there are authors I enjoy reading. But there are authors that make me a little sick to think about reading. Here they are.

1. Dan Brown. I hate you, Dan. I think your writing is terrible (We've been through this before. Twice.) and although you are talented at locating fascinating facts and weaving a story around them, I still find it hard to stomach your writing, which is bland and calculated. I read The Da Vinci Code, and what I failed to realize before beginning was that it captured the public's attention not because it was a great piece of literature (although you and your publishers have fooled them into thinking it!!! Which makes me MAD!), but because the topic is controversial. You are not a great writer. You are just good at getting people riled up. Well done. I'll let you go now so you can go write another story about a beautiful and (surprisingly, much to the astonishment of the main MALE character) intelligent woman who aids a man trying to save humanity. Because I'm going to be sick.
   
   
2. Barbara Kingsolver. Ooooh, the first of the Oprah Book Club writers I disdain so much. I don't care if Oprah likes you. Good for her, she can read whatever she wants. However, when you get my Botany professor to make us read your novel, your novel that I CANNOT FIND SPARK NOTES FOR, well then I get upset. Your writing is pretentious and you too easily assume that people are falling all over themselves for an opportunity to read the words you've written for them. Just tell your story, please. I'll give you this, you have a much better vocabulary than our buddy Dan over there. But I still can't stand how you use it. I'm done, but p.s. I hate that you are a national bestseller.
   
   
3. Gary Paulsen. This is a deep-seated hate that goes back to my sixth-grade reading class. Oh, I hated Hatchet. And as if that weren't bad enough, I also had to read The River. It's quite likely that I'm using Gary here as a scapegoat, because there's that period of time in elementary and middle school when all the teachers do is teach boy books, ones with suspense and "adventure" and male protagonists. Didn't anyone else want to read Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret? Probably. But instead I had to read books by authors like Gary Paulsen. Books about getting stuck in an avalanche or being in WW II or how about The Contender? I don't particularly care for boxing.

I'm sure there are more, but right now I'm at a loss. Not to mention the fact that I'm sort of enjoying being so mean to these three.

I think that I say "y'all" is what makes Dixie edge out the other 3 regions

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

15% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

10% Yankee

5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

A nerdy post about books. Children's books.

I went to Barnes & Noble last night. There are few things I enjoy more than walking around in a book store. Even though I didn't buy anything (although I could have, trust me), I still left feeling satisfied.

There are certain sections I always visit, like the Employee Picks and of course Fiction. Lately I've been looking at the cookbooks and the Bargain Books as well.

But last night I decided to head over to the Children's Books. It had been a long time since I'd ventured there, and I decided I'd like to see if they had the original Mary Poppins books. Because very few people realize that she's from a book.

And as I browsed the shelves looking for it, I realized how much I read when I was growing up. There were basically two kinds of books: older "classic" children's literature and new, probably-fresh-from-the-publisher literature.

And it was a very nostalgic ten minutes for me, looking at those books, because those classics are what I'd grown up reading. I received Caddie Woodlawn and King of the Wind for Christmas one year; Walk Two Moons brought back vivid memories of my third grade classroom. The Laura Ingalls Wilder books, which I read throughout elementary school, made me smile and so did the copy of Mary Poppins I finally found.

There were so many more, and for a moment I felt completely contented to be surrounded by the stories that my childhood had been built around. As I headed back to the more age-appropriate sections, I almost bought the copy of Mary Poppins, but decided to leave it there. I've got the sequel at home, and besides, hopefully some little kid will see it and realize that she's actually nothing like Julie Andrews.

I continue to be baffled by morning people.

I woke up early this morning. I am not going to disclose how "early" that is, but I will tell you my definition of early: waking up before I have to in order to be on time.

I was up so early that I actually had the chance to eat breakfast AND watch tv.

So did you know that Tyra Banks has a talk show now? Yeah. I watched part of it this morning but I feel like she just doesn't have the right personality to be on tv. She's a model. She is damn good at standing there looking good. She is not good at standing there sounding good, and I think the only reason America's Next Top Model is successful is because of the girls and NOT BECAUSE OF YOU, TYRA. Hulk Hogan is better at being on tv than you are. So is Janice Dickinson, and I think you knew that because you got rid of her. Keep Top Model. Lose the talk show.

So then I changed the channel.

And I have to say, I don't get why Regis and Kelly think it's a good idea to do an awards show on their morning talk show. It's weird. Those little chairs you give out are weird, the categories are weird, and the people you give them to would probably prefer REAL awards like Grammys or Oscars. So please discontinue the annual Relly Awards. Thank you. (p.s., Kelly it would be great if you would head back to Pine Valley and fix things up a little bit on All My Children. Don't you think that's a little more rewarding than giving an award to confetti? CONFETTI, Kelly. Little pieces of paper and ribbon won a statue on YOUR SHOW. I want you to think about that.)

Ellen DeGeneres dances a lot. She's pretty funny though so she may keep her talk show.

I don't enjoy watching The View (I haven't got the time to go into that), so I turned off the tv and I thought to myself, I am glad I'm not a morning person, because at least then I'm not missing any of the good shows.

Mom, can Christina come over? We have some marketing strategies to discuss.

"I should go into graphic design."

"Yeah, then we could open a company together."

"Like a developing company?"

"Yeah, we could do websites and documentation and design logos and stationary and stuff for new companies. And we could do advertising too."

"That's a good idea."

"Yeah, but we'll have to find a third person, someone who can do the advertising part."

"You mean someone to come up with the slogans?"

"Yeah, and advertising campaigns."

"We could just ask my mom."

"Um...sure...could she bake us some cookies too?"

"Hey. My mom does always come up with some funny-ass lines."

Point of Information

I love my major. I mean, I really, really love it.

Which is an important thing to remember while I'm studying Italian or reading that damn Barbara Kingsolver novel .

Hot, humid, and so void of inspiration that there will be no formal title

I know it's been all week since I posted. And I apologize for that, but seriously, there is nothing to write about.

Where has my inspiration gone?

Perhaps it left because the things I like to talk about are going really, really well and the kind of post where I just say "I had a great day of classes" is more boring for me to write than it is for you to read.

(Coincidentally, I once had someone tell me "I read your blog once. It must be a lot more fun to write than it is to read." I don't like that person anymore. You may leave if you don't like it here, and you have my permission to keep your mouth shut as you close your browser. THANK YOU.)

I suppose I like to capitalize on the drama in my life, and there is very little drama currently. It is, however, rather hot and extremely humid. When I opened my (air-conditioned) bedroom door this morning, the mirror fogged up because of the humidity and temperature difference between my room and the rest of the apartment. THEN, when I checked on the birthday cake I frosted last night, I found that the icing had melted, which made my cake look like a big pan of gross. If it doesn't get cool soon I'm going to go crazy.

Quote of the Day

"You know this term I've been throwing around, to google, well, you all know what it means, right?" --my Botany professor

Baby you can drive my car (because it's working now)

I had a great weekend, and I think the best part was the fact that after three weeks of putting off fixing my car I finally called Triple A and had them come take care of it for me. I just needed a new battery, and they put that in. Then on Saturday, I replaced the tail light that has been out since the 4th of July. It's weird to be able to turn right without feeling bad for the people behind me because they don't know what I'm doing. Now all I need to do is put air in my tires and my car will be in perfect condition.

Having a car to drive has been really nice. Even though Christina let me drive the Xterra, it's different than having your own car. I love my car a lot and I try to be nice to her, because when I was driving my first car I talked smack about it and then I got pulled over (a story for another day). Then I talked smack about it again and it died in the middle of nowhere. So I stopped talking smack about my cars, and it has served me well (until recently, obviously).

So the Sunfire and I are on good terms, and that's nice. And p.s. stick shift is better than automatic.

Not even worth posting...

When I scheduled last spring, I was pretty pleased with myself, as I scheduled 3 days a week to start at 1pm and 2 days to start at 11. Then I thought, sure, I can work at 9 am every morning (except Tuesdays). Then I kept adding classes so that I'm at the maximum now, 20.

Which is not to say that I'm complaining, because I'm not. I don't really mind being gone all day and overall I'm not pulling my hair out over my classes (yet). And you'd think that with the Blogging Paradoxical Formula (As time to blog increases, amount of blog-worthy events decreases), I'd have stories just begging to be written. But that's just not the case, unless of course you'd like to hear about the brochure I'm designing or the Java programs I write for my CSA homework. (I can decode Pig Latin. No kidding.)

I haven't got any exciting anecdotes, although I suppose it's sort of humorous to know that because I am gone all the time there are a lot of things that just haven't been taken care of. For example, my car is going on 2 1/2 weeks of not running. I'm hoping to get it fixed at the end of this week. That will be fun. I also haven't bought groceries since about JULY, so the only things to eat at my house are hot dogs and marshmallows. Mmmm. And although I do have time to wash my clothes I don't really put them away much to the dismay of my roommate. However to the dismay of me, that roommate was pouring hamburger grease down the drain when I walked into the kitchen the other day. So we all have a lot to learn, no?

TBDBITL

We headed out of Oxford on Friday afternoon and got back after the game Saturday night, so we were only gone for about 30 hours. The unfortunate part of that situation was that I spent more hours in my uniform (14) than I did sleeping (4 1/2). The game was fun though, and my parents were there (they took this picture), so it was a worthwhile road trip.

I was a little bit in awe of the excitement surrounding the OSU marching band and football team, because it was pretty crazy to see literally THOUSANDS of people cheering for the BAND. At home, OSU fans are the norm. Here, we have our fair share, but we've got people from all over who could care less about the Buckeyes. I was trying to explain the Buckeye football phenomenon to Christina before we headed to Columbus, but I couldn't put in to words precisely what kind of an obsession it is for some people.

Regardless, I went against everything I was brought up with and cheered for my own team, who sadly got their butts kicked. I was disappointed, but I'm not going to lie: I totally want a buckeye necklace.