Barbie Doll Influence #1

(There are many more. I didn't realize how many until I was thinking of a title for this. So maybe in the future I'll tell those stories.)

Last week we were talking about birthday parties, and as always, the story of my first real one came up, so I promised Mike I would post it here.

It was the summer after kindergarten. I was six. My parents threw me a pretty sweet Barbie-themed birthday party, which included a scavenger hunt, pin-the-hat-on-the-Barbie, and this game that ruined my entire party: The Race to Dress Your Barbie game. (RDYB game from now on, okay?)

[I'd like to point out right at this minute that it is because I was a spoiled rotten brat that I had such a crazy-awesome (six-year-old girl) party and that the following events happened, and that I am fully aware that I was/am a spoiled rotten brat. Veruca Salt would be jealous.]

My mom had been trying to make the party fun for all of my guests by doing fair things (like lining us up oldest to youngest to play the pin-the-hat-on-the-Barbie game), and I had continued to sabotage her plans by doing unintentional things (like just being the oldest). So when it got to the RDYB game, well, I was starting to figure out that I was NOT going to come out on top during any of these games, Barbie-themed or not. And I was one pissed off six-year-old birthday girl.

Here are the rules of the RDYB game: 2 teams of 4 girls line up. The first girl takes off the Barbie's top (I swear this is G-rated), the second puts on a new one, the third takes off her skirt, and the fourth puts on a new one and runs to my Barbie convertible* and puts her team's Barbie in the seat. The first team with their Barbie sitting in the car wins.

When my mom split up the teams, she put my best friend Rachel in the fourth spot on the opposite team. On my team were my other best friend, myself, my 4-year-old cousin, and someone else. I remember that my cousin was in the first position. And here's the thing about 4-year-olds: they lack the refined motor skills necessary to undress a Barbie. And that's okay. But it was MY BIRTHDAY and I WANTED TO BE A WINNER ON MY BIRTHDAY. So when the Barbie got to me, you can bet I had that skirt on fast enough to catch up with the other team; specifically, my fourth-position-counterpart Rachel. So, we both got to the Barbie car at the same time.

It was neck-and-neck. She probably had her Barbie in the seat just before mine, but wait! There is a trick to this Barbie car! A trick that only I, the owner of said Barbie car, know! And the trick is this: You have to put their feet in at just the right angle or they won't fit and she won't be SITTING in the seat. And that stipulation, my friend, was clearly stated at the beginning of the game: she must be sitting. And my Barbie, she was sitting in that seat. Rachel's was not. She had fallen prey to incorrectly placed feet.

But, my mom, doing that thing again where she THINKS OF OTHERS, gave the other team the win.** And people, I was PISSED. So I did what any Veruca Salt-like child would do: I took my best friend Kayla inside the house, and we opened all my presents because I was like, dude, this party is LAME because I keep losing. Let's ditch this and see what I got. And Kayla was all, yeah, we totally won that Barbie game. Open mine first, okay?

Needless to say, my parents were NOT happy when I came back outside to show them my Barbie patio furniture. They were so NOT happy, in fact, that I did not have another birthday party until something like 6th grade.

As far as the long term effects of this party go, Rachel is still one of my best friends and I'm pretty sure is the only friend from that party I still talk to. And my parents don't bring it up nearly as much as they used to, even though I think my mom still believes I think my team should have won. Even so, every once in a while I like to point out to both Rachel and my mom that MY BARBIE WAS ABSOLUTELY ALL THE WAY IN THAT CAR. So I know I'm the winner in my heart.



*It was a pink Cadillac. We recently found it at my grandparents' house and got rid of it. In retrospect, perhaps this is something I should have kept for posterity.

**Also? They won Barbie trading cards, which I wanted.