And you can't avoid me when my computer isn't working, because I'm always there, eager to be distracted by you (since, you know, I can't be distracted by computer). It doesn't matter what you decide to talk about with me, I will find some way to relate it back to my computer. "The weather is nice today," you might say, and of course I would say, "I know, but I was so confused about what to wear this morning, since I couldn't check the weather because my computer's been dead since Saturday." Later you maybe want to watch a movie, and then in the middle? when that guy with a totally recognizable face comes on the screen but we can't place him? I will stop everything just to moan about how YOU have to get out YOUR computer to look him up because mine is on its way to Texas. To be fixed. Because it's broken. I might even turn on the tears, especially if you ask me about my music collection or those photos I took when I went snowshoeing. I think what makes me especially awful is that I won't lose anything, the hard drive is fine--it's just the parts that help you get to the hard drive that aren't working. So basically it's the detachment from my computer that makes me act this way, and nothing
To rub additional salt into my computer-shaped wounds is that I'm supposed to be writing an essay as part of an application for a graduate school program. It's due tomorrow morning, and I'm only about halfway done. It's not that I'm procrastinating, it's that I'm borrowing my roommate's old computer this week, and it's just making the process of writing extra difficult. Everytime I sit down at to write this essay, which shouldn't be too difficult, I am overwhelmed with sadness that I am not sitting down at my computer. And then I can't focus, because I am thinking about the differences between my computer and this computer, and then I decide that maybe I should go find something else to do, because all this negativity will just drag my essay down, and also? This keyboard feels weird and the screen is kind of dark. And where are the volume controls? And how long will the battery last?
I had high hopes earlier this week that whatever problem I was having with my computer was just a little problem, but that was just not the case. So now here I sit, working on this essay, stealing glances at my phone in hopes that the Apple store Geniuses will call me and tell me that my computer is fine, and that I can come pick it up. You should be hoping for that too, and if you're not, at least hope that you don't run into me--because TRUST ME, I will find a way to bring it up. I promise.