I'd like to apologize to you, in front of everyone, for what is probably going to go down in history as your Worst Week Ever. And also promise you a bunch of extra treats and people food.
You're not kidding. Like yesterday? When we went to the vet? And I peed on the floor, but no one got mad, they just said blah blah blah bladder infection and you paid a bunch of money for some little pills? That sort of sucked. But not as much as today, when you took me for a walk and those big scary dogs jumped out of nowhere and started biting and barking at me. I was so scared. Sorry for pooping all over you while you kicked and yelled and tried to get them away from us. And also? Did you really have to give me a bath after all that? It was basically the worst hour of my LIFE. By the way, I'm probably never going to let you take me on a walk again.
p.s. I heard you tell someone I am going to be spayed on Friday. I have no idea what that means, but I hope it's fun!