Things I can play on bass guitar, if your definition of the word "play" is extremely liberal

• E, A, D, G and any note above the third fret
  
• Two measures of Iron Man
• Two measures of Seven Nation Army
• Some three-note succession from Guitar Hero II
• 12 bar blues progression in A (it's best if someone is singing Hound Dog while I play it)
• The "learn guitar" book's Lesson Four exercise