Saturday, October 30, 2004

I'd say I'm just downright bitchy

I took a nap the other day, and when I woke up to leave for class, Cassie said, "Did you have a nice nap?" I don't remember what I said but I do remember being very annoyed. I am not annoyed right now. I wasn't annoyed an hour later. But in that moment, it was bad.

I am a terrible person in the morning. It took me coming to school and living with someone else to come to this realization. When I wake up on the weekends, I'm not so bad. But if I have to get up before I'm ready to get up, I am vicious.

When we were in Alabama, Christina still hadn't gotten out of bed or packed and we had to be on the bus to leave in 15 minutes. The rest of us were just about ready to go, but more of Christina's stuff was around the room than in her suitcase. It was 4 am, and the earlier you get me out of bed, the meaner I get. So you can imagine how absolutely grouchy I was at 4 in the morning. I remember ripping the blankets off of her and telling her to GET OUT OF BED. NOW. On the plane, I thought I might kill Steve for wanting the window to be open because I was trying to sleep. When I woke up near the end of the trip, I was having a perfectly fine time and I would say that for the rest of the day I was pleasant.

Now that I have realized that it is me causing the problem, and not the rest of the world (how was I supposed to know that the world is actually able to function normally as I slept? I thought it just got really aggravating while I was gone), I have tried to be nicer. And you know what? It just doesn't work. I don't know why, but I can think something nice in my head and it comes out completely opposite. I can't leave voicemail in the morning; I sound angry on the phone. I try to say things nicely, but my body won't do it. My face won't smile. It is so bizarre. Usually, it's worn off after an hour and all is well.

So, I'm sorry I can't have a normal conversation in the morning, Cassie. And I also need to apologize to my dad, who always came in every day before he left for work to say good bye and see what I was doing after school. You want me to like, think? Are you serious? He usually left about 20 minutes before I needed to get up, and everyone knows how great those last 20 minutes are. I could manage to say, "good morning, I love you, have a good day," but only sometimes. Mostly, though, I would be hard pressed to answer coherently, politely, and accurately. This was usually not good and resulted in frustration on both parts (although I was already sleep-induced frustrated).

So, I'm sorry if you've ever had to deal with me when I had to get out of bed before I felt like it. Give me an hour, and I will be nice. I promise.

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